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From The Editors Humor

Trump Jokes – Part III

As we have mentioned from the very first part on Trump Jokes, this is a compilation of all Trump jokes – jokes from various sources.

This work is our attempt to provide you, our valued readers, some of the funniest Trump Jokes you may have missed along the way – you are sure to find many in our Trump Jokes Series and even if you are a staunch Trump supporter it may bring a smile to your face.

However, all the jokes are not ON him but FROM him, as well.

Again, although the best medicine, an overdose of laughter, or any medicine for that matter, can do you some harm.

So, only 15 jokes this time guys in the interest of your safety!

1. “Trump had medical deferment..… he had inter-rectum cranial inversion — which means his head is up his ass.” – Jay Leno

2. These are clearly the end times, and now we know why the prophets spoke of the Trump of Doom. — Michael R. Burch

3. Donald Trump boasts he has ‘one of the great memories of all time’ — but can’t remember the last time he apologized (THE WEEK)

4. According to Donald Trump, a bush in the hand is worth two unmolested birds – Michael R. Burch (don’t miss the pun on “bush”)

5. “He’s best described not in political terms but in developmental terms.
He’s a toddler. I’d say ‘infant’ but infants are pre-verbal, and he has a few words, most of them monosyllabic.” — Frank Bruni (http://www.nytimes.com/2016/08/03/opinion/stop-indulging-trump.html?_r=1)

6. “Don’t worry about the baby, I love babies” Trump said about a crying baby in one of his rallies; later when the baby got going again, he said “I was only kidding, you can get the baby out of here. That’s all right. Don’t worry. I, I think she really believed me that I love having a baby crying while I’m speaking. That’s OK. People don’t understand. That’s OK.” – Donald Trump

7. Bill Clinton tried to keep his affairs private. Donald Trump makes his privates an international affair.―Michael R. Burch

8. “This guy has an ego. When Trump bangs a supermodel, he closes his eyes and imagines he’s jerking off.”–Seth McFarlane

9. “Here’s the thing about Donald Trump: he never apologizes; he’s never wrong no matter what crazy thing he says. He’s the white Kanye.”―Bill Maher

10. Donald Trump has done more than anyone to promote equality…He’s equally hated by blacks and Hispanics – (http://laffgaff.com/donald-trump-jokes/)

11. In a recent survey, 70% of Americans responded that Donald Trump being elected has made them nervous. The other 30% said it will make them Canadians – (http://laffgaff.com/donald-trump-jokes/)

12. “Poor Melania, I’ve been thinking about her a lot today. She had it made. Except for the part where Donald Trump climbed on top of her between four and seven times a month, she had it made.” – Jimmy Kimmel

13. After a veteran gave Trump his Purple Heart at a rally in Virginia, he had the audacity to ask whether it was real or a copy and proceeded to proclaim that “I always wanted to get the Purple Heart. This was much easier.” – Frank Islam (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/frank-islam/donald-trump-baby-bully-and_b_11615520.html)

14. “Donald Trump, without a doubt, you’re a New York landmark. Which means it will only be a matter of time before you bulldoze yourself and put up some gaudy, tacky monstrosity, and put your name on it.”—Larry King

15. “There is a lunatic in North Korea trying to get a nuclear weapon and a lunatic trying to get ahold of nuclear weapons in America.” – Marco Rubio

By the way, if you want more of him check below:

Humor at it’s Best – A Comprehensive Compilation of Trump Jokes (Part I)

Humor at it’s Best – A Comprehensive Compilation of Trump Jokes (Part II)

 

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From The Editors Humor

Humor at it’s Best – A Comprehensive Compilation of Trump Jokes (Part II)

Love him or hate him but please feel free to laugh at him if it tickles your funny bones – here are twenty of his jokes with source and credits – I don’t want to kill anyone with an overdose of laughter.

1. What happens when you take a joke too far?
The 45th President of the United States of America – http://laffgaff.com/

2. What is Donald Trump’s favorite nation? Discrimination. -http://laffgaff.com/

3. “The good news is, President Obama was born in America. The bad news is, so was Donald Trump.” —Jay Leno

4. Donald Trump accused Huma Abedin of sharing state secrets with her husband. I think Trump clearly lacks a sense of Huma.— Michael R. Burch

5. Trump is a little tone-deaf to the average American. He unveiled his slogan this week: “Are you better off than you were four wives ago?”
—Bill Maher

6. Thanks to Donald Trump, the Religious Right now supports the Irreligious Wrong.―Michael R. Burch

7. Now that Donald Trump has been elected President, there’ll be hell toupée. – http://laffgaff.com/

8. When Trump is elected we will all have toupée the price.―Ryan Bourassa

9. Donald Trump has a great campaign slogan: “A complex world demands complex hair.” —David Letterman

10. How is Donald Trump going to create middle-class jobs? By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events. —Unknown

11. My friend said to me, “I hear the FBI have foiled a terrorist plot to kill Donald trump.”
“What, a suicide bomber?” I asked.
“No, a surface to hair missile.” – http://laffgaff.com/

12. Donald Trump showed his birth certificate to reporters. Who cares about his birth certificate? I want to know if that thing on his head has had its vaccinations.—Craig Ferguson

13. Donald Trump is going to be the next president, but the real winner is Melania Trump.
Now she can call herself the First Lady instead of the Third Wife – http://laffgaff.com/

14. Republican hopeful Rick Perry this week compared Donald Trump to cancer. Which really isn’t fair, because sometimes you can get rid of cancer? —Seth Meyers

15. What do Donald Trump and the iPhone 7 have in common?
They both think de-porting is the answer when there’s no more Jobs. – http://laffgaff.com/

16. If Trump does become president, I hope he puts a wig on his plane and calls it Hair Force One. —Jimmy Kimmel

17. Donald Trump is attacking President Obama’s background. And I said, “Wait a minute, Trump also is from a mixed background. He’s half jack and half ass.”—David Letterman

18. Donald Trump getting elected President has already had a positive effect on the economy. Sales of alcohol have never been higher. – http://laffgaff.com/

19. Donald Trump labeled Hillary Clinton “disgusting” for taking a bathroom break during the recent Democrat debate. Trump himself never has to go to the bathroom, as the crap just comes straight out of his mouth. – http://laffgaff.com/

20. Donald Trump just announced the first immigrants to be deported: Lady Liberty, a French import, along with her huddled masses yearning to be free.―Michael R. Burch

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From The Editors Humor

Humor at its Best – A Comprehensive Compilation of Trump Jokes (Part I)

This is a compilation of all Trump jokes – jokes from various sources – read on – it may turn out to be the funniest read of your life.

I have made an attempt to provide the readers with an all-inclusive collection of Trump jokes floating around since his campaigning days compiled from various sources. This is just the first part as jokes will continue to flow as long as Trump is around – maybe even after he’s gone.

And yes, another reason we are doing this in parts is, it will be too much for you all in one go – excessive laughter can be painful, you know!

The idea behind this is to give a comprehensive collection in a single read rather than website-hopping, if you will, to find them. It is, however, the readers’ prerogative to classify them as they please – good, in bad taste, offensive, profane, hilarious, racist, or whatever.

Here they are along with source and credits:

Donald Trump has canceled a planned trip to Israel. When asked why, Trump said, ‘They already have a wall and a fear of Muslims. My work there is done.’”—Conan O’Brien, Television talk show host, comedian, and writer…

“A new study claims the stress of being president takes three years off your life. So suddenly everyone is thinking of voting for Trump.”—Conan O’Brien, Television talk show host, comedian, and writer…

“Donald Trump is here tonight. Now I know that he’s taken some flak lately. But no one is happier—no one is prouder—to put this birth certificate matter to rest than The Donald. And that’s because he can finally get back to focusing on the issues that matter: Like, did we fake the moon landing? What really happened in Roswell? And where are Biggie and Tupac?”—Barack Obama, U.S. President

“Now Donald said he wants to run for President and move on into the White House. Why not? It wouldn’t be the first time he pushed a black family out of their home.”–Snoop Dogg, writer, singer, actor…

“Donald Trump has come out in favor of shutting down Planned Parenthood. However, experts say, if he really wants Planned Parenthood to go under he should turn it into a Trump property.”– Conan O”Brien, Television talk show host, comedian, and writer

“He was even forced into the ultimate act of degradation— starring in his own reality show. And soon the top-rated TV show in the nation starred a total asshole torturing people who were stupid enough to work with him.”–Seth McFarlane, writer, animator, T.V. producer…

“Say what you will about Trump, he is not stupid. He is a smart man with a deep understanding of what stupid people want.”―Andy Borowitz, American writer, comedian, satirist, actor…

“Americans have been mishearing The Donald: what he actually said is that he will make America grate again, after which many of them will migrate again.”―Michael R. Burch, poet, poetry editor, columnist, essayist…

A protester had to be escorted out of a Donald Trump rally last night for yelling, ‘Trump’s a racist.’ The protester was removed because the Trump campaign has that phrase copyrighted.”—Seth Meyers, talk-show host, screenwriter, actor, comedian…

“The Trump virus’s primary effect is twofold: First, it implants in its hosts the unshakable conviction that one of the most execrable clowns in the history of these United States is a hero who deserves to be elevated to the White House; then, having inculcated the conceit, it removes the faculties that are necessary for its removal.”—Charles Cooke, the editor of National Review Online, a co-host of the Mad Dogs and Englishmen podcast.

Donald Trump is giving narcissism a bad name.―Madeline Begun Kane
aka Mad Kane, humorist, political satirist…

Donald Trump likes to say he’s a friend to “the blacks.” Unless the Blacks are a family of white people, I’m guessing he’s mistaken.―Seth Meyers, talk-show host, screenwriter, actor, comedian…

What is Donald Trump telling Independents? Orange Is The New Black – Source: http://www.jokes4us.com/celebrityjokes/donaldtrumpjokes.html

“After he won yesterday’s Nevada caucus, Donald Trump said, ‘I love the poorly educated.’ Trump then said, ‘And when I’m president there’ll be more of them than ever.’” —Conan O’Brien, Television talk show host, comedian, and writer

“Donald, I’m not sure if you’re even aware of this, but the only difference between you and Michael Douglas from the movie, Wall Street, is that no one’s going to be sad when you get cancer.”—Anthony Jeselnik, comedian, producer, writer, actor…

“Teddy Roosevelt spoke softly and carried a big stick; Donald Trump speaks loudly and carries a big shtick.”―Michael R. Burch, poet, poetry editor, columnist, essayist…

“Donald Trump likes to sue people. He should sue whoever did that to his face.”—Marco Rubio, politician, attorney…

Why does The Donald take Zanax? For Hispanics attacks. Source: http://www.fullredneck.com/funny-donald-trump-jokes/

What’s the difference between God and Donald Trump? God doesn’t he’s Donald Trump. Source: http://www.fullredneck.com/funny-donald-trump-jokes/

“It’s safe to say everything Trump touches turns to gold. Especially the Miss Teen U.S.A. contestants he pees on.”—Seth McFarlane, writer, animator, T.V. producer…

“That’s what he’s best at. Putting a bow on a turd, marking up the price, and selling it so hard, you want it—even though you know it’s just a turd with a bow on it. America is that turd!”—Lewis Black, standup comedian, author, playwright, social critic…

Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania? Because all his other wives support Hillary. Source:http://www.jokes4us.com/celebrityjokes/donaldtrumpjokes.html

“Tonight, we honor a self-made millionaire. He started with nothing, worked hard, and made a fortune. That man is Fred Trump, Donald’s dad.”–Seth McFarlane, writer, animator, T.V. producer…

“Despite Donald Trump’s tough stance on immigration, Trump Modeling Agency is being accused of hiring lower-paid foreign models. In his defense, Trump says those aren’t laborers, those are ‘future wives.’”—Conan O’Brien, Television talk show host, comedian, and writer…

“Donald Trump said yesterday that if he’s elected, he would ‘probably not talk as much.’ That’s right, if Donald Trump is elected, even HE will be speechless.”—Seth Meyers, talk-show host, screenwriter, actor, comedian…

“Hillary Clinton said she went to Donald Trump’s wedding but didn’t give him a gift. Trump said, ‘Just for that, you’re not coming to my next three weddings.’”—Conan O’Brien, Television talk show host, comedian, and writer